The Bitch is Back

I’m referring to The Bachelorette, of course. Problem is, she’s not really a bitch. She’s a little indecisive, perhaps a little too cutsie, but she’s not a bitch. She’s nice. She’s not particularly gorgeous either. She’s pleasant, and she’s on her way to being a dentist. So she’s a boring, wishy washy, so-so looking, somewhat single girl with a stable career. Is that the best you could do ABC?

Seriously, why don’t you follow the lead of NBC and put some real bitches on a reality show?  Nene Leakes from The Apprentice would be a great choice. Now that girl’s a bitch. I realize full well that if Nene were to read this, she would be finger-wagging, “oh hell no-ing” and coming for me like a cheetah after a wounded gazelle.

If Ashely caught wind of me calling her by some dirty slang, she’d probably bat her lashes and say “awww, that’s not nice.”  You wanna’ know what that’s not? That’s not good TV. Nene is, and if my Housewives of Atlanta plotlines are up to date, the bitch is single too.

So ABC, please do us a favor, and put some spice in the show, as in Spice Channel. If you can’t put someone interesting or smokin’ hot in the 8 p.m. Monday timeslot, at least make her slutty. It’s not like you’ll have Monday Night Football anytime soon, so you better get all your contact sporting out on The Bachelorette herself.

By the way, having the liqour distributor get pass-out drunk on the first night was a nice touch. Let’s set the bar nice and low for this season and see what derelicts dare try to limbo underneath. Here’s to a season of rainbows, unicorns and debauchery… don’t let us down Ash.